You're not allowed to have bees in here.

Today is a pretty laid back kind of morning and I have a lot of things on my mind today. First though, I have to answer some reader mail.

here is a hypothetical situation for you: lets say im doing some hella grinding with my guild (and my GIRL clan member is running low on HP so i need to heal her she is probably really pretty irl) i need some sustenance to get me through the night should i get 2 p'zones or one p'zone and 1 $p'zone's worth of cheetos?

This is an excellent question and I thought about it for quite a while. I will have to side with the two P'zones for a couple reasons. Certainly, it is good to have that diversity that Cheetos can offer to a meal, but I do not like having orange dust on my keyboard also nobody will deliever Cheetos to you so you will have to leave your house to get them and that is terrible. Either of these things could seriously mess up your raid on Tal'rasha's Tomb. I was informed that it is common practice among WOW players to eat the Cheetos with a spoon but I am steadfast in this decision. Two P'zones is the answer to your problem.

That being said, let's move on.

At work, there are a lot of geese that walk around and honk and crap all over the sidewalk. It's pretty annoying, and there's not really anything anyone can do but chase them with an air horn since you can't kill them without some pretty big fines (not that the company doesn't have the money, but that's a different thing altogether). Yes, there actually is a guy here whose job it is to chase geese with an air horn. Personally, I think they were put here by the management staff to teach everyone the value of friendship. These geese stick together through thick and thin and that's pretty rad of them. I once saw an incident here where a goose fell into the pond and some of the other geese flew away and came back with an inflatable raft to save him. It was a terrifying situation, and I thank baby Jesus every day for letting me bear witness to this miraculous rescue. They don't let you have cameras on site or I guarantee you I woud have taped it and put it on World's Most Miraculous Goose Videos on Spike TV.

In other news, is there any bug nicer than a bumblebee? Roly-polys and fireflies are pretty nice but they aren't fuzzy. They get a bad rap for being bees but honestly they are just playful little tykes who want to buzz around and have sex with flowers all day. I want to get a pet bumblebee and keep him on a tiny leash and take him for walks and let him eat honey off a plate. This is the ideal life for both man and bee. I couldn't take him to the hospital but that's ok beacuse I would take good care of him and he would never be stricken with illness of any kind :)

Pretty much the only thing nicer than a bee is some bacon. I recently discovered that there is a Bacon of the Month Club. For only $265 you get a year's subscription and while the price is a bit steep, it's a pretty great idea. The following items are included:

• A different artisan bacon delivered to your door each month for 12 months
• Informative notes on all bacon selections
• Discounts on The Grateful Palate bacon products and bacons
• Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
• The bacon strip - our members only monthly bacon comic strip
• The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
• A little Rubber Toy Pig
• One free Bacon Tee Shirt
• A recipe each month using the bacon selected
• Discounts on suggested wines and products in recipes
• A pig nose!

That's a pound of bacon a month, with nifty flavors like "cinnamon" and "garlic stuffed" and "pepper." I have a pretty hard time justifying a budget of over $20/month for bacon right now, but if I ever become disgustingly wealthy I am gonna be all over this like stink on rice. The bonus items can't be beat either--a monthly bacon comic strip? Who ever heard of such!

In the interest of objectivity though, I think I should point out that bacon, while often used for good, can also be used for evil. Imagine how mortified I was when I saw a resident of the internet ask this stupid question:

I was busy making a breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, toast and a bowl of dank when i got an idea. You know how they have smoked bacon, to add flavor? Could you possibly use marijuana smoke to smoke up the bacon, and possibly get high from eating it? Since THC is fat soluble, it would adhere to the grease around the bacon, right? This is of course bacon in the raw form, uncooked.

I know it sounds stupid but it might be an interesting method to get stoned before work/school.

No you cannot get high off bacon you are stupid and I hate you! This is as bad as when people tried to smoke a pothead's dreadlocks in the woods! GO BACK TO WHATEVER NADER-WORSHIPPING PLANET YOU DAMN HIPPIES COME FROM AND STAY THERE!

Sorry I got my dander up a bit there but this blog is not about hate so I cannot talk about this any longer right now. I am confident that my positivity will make this the hottest blog in the blogosphere so tell your friends ok I am sure they will love it!