Aw man it's a hodgepodge of cornucopiae

Heretofore I have lived a bit over 21 years without ever having a blog. This was probably for the best. On the other hand, I am told repeatedly that the best way to become a better writer is to write. And this seems like as good a reason as any, I guess. It's a good time-killer at work if nothing else.

I have found in the past couple days that, like writing fiction, the hardest part of writing a blog is finding something to write about. I have asked around and found a few topics for my first post that are important to me and others. Hopefully this will be a valuable experience for everyone involved. Moving on then.

TOPICS OF SOME INTEREST:

1. P'ZONES

I have never personally had a P'zone, and I actually sort of dislike Pizza Hut in general, but this is still a very important topic on a national level insofar as it proves that some people across this great land are disgusting. Wikipedia describes the P'zone as follows: "a menu item at the restaurant chain Pizza Hut. It is a cross between a calzone and a pizza. It weighs over 1 lb, and contains meat, cheese, and vegetables." An artist's rendering can be found here:

It's even worse than a regular pizza because there's nowhere for the grease to escape to, and you certainly can't sop it up with a napkin like you can with a regular pizza. One former Pizza Hut even employee even states, "When I worked at Pizza hut, probably 2/3 of the P'zones we produced still had raw meat in them since theres no way for the inside to heat up enough to cook the meat. We never got a single complaint. For feeding people raw meat soaked in semi-rancid oil. " P'Zones are basically the faux-Italian equivalent of the KFC famous bowl. Only even more unhealthy. One meat lover's P'zone contains per serving:

• 1360 calories
• 56g fat (28g saturated)
• 130mg cholesterol
• 3080mg sodium
• 16g sugar
• 76g protein

But guess what, one serving is only half a P'zone! If you know how I eat, you would probably agree that I should love this thing. I don't know what's wrong with me.

2. RABID CHIPMUNKS

I am not actually sure whether rabid chipmunks are a threat to our society or not. There is a song by a little "comedy rap" outfit called Sudden Death with this title, and they talk like they're pretty bad dudes, but I am skeptical. Here is an excerpt:

"Comin' down from the tree, you know me
I'm a rabid menace to society
Take a nibble at your neck and put you in traction
Had it up to here now it's time for some action
Fraction of the pain I'm inflictin'
Puff on an acorn, so addictin'
Run up your leg and bite impolitely
And then you'll sound just like me"

They talk a big game but I doubt they're really as menacing as they say they are. Nibbling on necks is not the sort of activity that would generally put one in traction. It is pretty fair to say that chipmunks of all sorts are a bunch of shribs.

And anyway, it's hard to take them seriously when they're in a Story meant for Boy Scouts (Decide for yourself if it is appropriate for your younger scouts or not).

3. RADIOLAB

Not to be confused with the band Stereolab, Radiolab is a show on WNYC public radio that's actually worth listening to. It's hard to describe, but I guess the best comparison would be that it's like This American Life, except about science. Or at least more science-themed. A segment from it is featured on this week's TAL episode, actually. The host has this annoying habit of saying things the guests say before they say them, but otherwise it's quite entertaining and at least somewhat educational. The episode topics range from zoos to detective stories to the placebo
effect, so there's something for everybody.

In case you didn't get that the title of the show is linked, get the podcasts or streaming MP3s here: http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/

4. ANIMES

Animes are and will continue to be a scourge, a blight, and a pox upon the world.

And with that I have exhausted all my current topics of some interest. Carlowen said he would not be my friend anymore if I started a blog, which is understandable but I hope he can forgive me. I have very important thoughts inside me and they must be released into the blogosphere.