Alaska and Such

You know, you'd think that after a two-week hiatus and a trip to Alaska there would be more to talk about, but the cruise was surprisingly not interesting. Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but most of the stops were just tourist traps selling the same 5 pairs of underwear and boxes of smoked salmon over and over, and most of the cruise was spent on the ship eating or playing trivia or something. There were very few college or young professional-age people onboard, so by like 11PM the ship was totally dead except for a few in the casino. Ah well, c'est la vie. Nevertheless, here are some points of interest from the trip:

My Boy Hunky Dory

There's this Indonesian guy who calls himself "Hunky Dory" who works in the breakfast line and by the second day he pretty much knows everybody's name. After the first time he asked my name, he would shout "HELLO CHRIS HOW ARE YOU" every time he saw me. And then when I said "Doin' fine, how are you Hunky Dory?" he would shout "HUNKY DORY EXCELLENT" and give me a double thumbs up. What a badass. Not coincidentally, he is the Holland America Employee of the Year for 2007. Shine on you crazy diamond.

World's Wackest Cruise Director

Our cruise director was an Australian dude who made the same joke on three separate occasions, and the senile old people laughed every time. The Holland America ships are all named like "Oosterdam" or "Veendam" or something ending in "dam," and when the assistant cruise directors (one of whom was named "Baruch," wtf) would zing him, he would say "I hope you enjoy your next ship, mate, it's called the 'I don't have a job, damn.'" HILARIOUS. He also forgot how to host The Newlywed Game and everybody in the crowd yelled at him.

In his little bio they gave us, it said he went to school to be an acupuncturist. Let this be a lesson: Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be acupuncturists. Or cruise directors.

The Best Foods I Ate

Grilled Venison with Poached Figs and Polenta Cake
Chocolate Ginger Teardrop
Foie Gras with some stuff
Roast Rack of Lamb with Mint Oil

I averaged two appetizers, a soup, two entrees, and a dessert every night. I get the feeling the wait staff liked me the least of anyone at our table.

Also did you know that weinerschnitzel is actually just like a breaded pork cutlet rather than a sausage of some kind? I didn't either!

The Butchart Gardens

I am not much of a flower guy by any means, but the Butchart Gardens in Victoria, BC were by far the best place we went on the whole trip. $25 Canadian for entry gets you 32 acres of flowers and fountains and such and there are some bluegrass bands playing and lots of Japanese tourists wandering around. It was nighttime when we were there, but it was still very impressive, especially considering they only have 50 gardeners for 32 acres. I get the feeling my parents will probably be going back to Vancouver Island to vacation before too long, because my mom was seriously flipping out over the whole thing. You can take a little virtual tour if you want.

SkyMall

I really enjoy flying for some reason, despite the cramped seats and crying children. One of these is the new snack pack offered by Delta, which includes three items: Raisins, a chocolate chip shortbread cookie, and Parmesan-peppercorn cheese and crackers. Well, not cheese exactly. It's actually "Processed cheese product with Parmesan-type flavoring. They can't even get authentic fake Parmesan cheese. Amazing.

Another reason I love flying is the illustrious SkyMall, which is the only company in the world that sells things more ridiculous than Sharper Image. For example, let me introduce you to the Gravity Defyer Shoes. The ad for these shoes in the actual magazine is two pages, not to mention the most spectacular piece of advertising I've ever seen. You're greeted by this fellow:


DO YOU WANT A PAIR YET? LOOK HOW CRAZY THAT DUDE IS WALKIN! But if you're not convinced yet, let me give you a few excerpts from the ad's text:

It's almost as if Aeolus, the Greek god of wind, himself has taken his powerful wind out of his bottles and put it into each of the Gravity Defyer Shoes. Your entire body will receive an energy burst when you slip on the Gravity Defyer Shoes because your joints and spine will no longer feel the full impact of your high impact life.

We all have them, an expensive pair of dress shoes for those "special occasions". The shoes that look great and make our special someone admire us from head to toe at the company party or dinner reception. The shoes that world famous Secret Agents wear to the black tie party where they end up doing some reconnaissance before they are chased around a European city by evil henchmen. The kind of dress shoes that show class, style, and sophistication but are so uncomfortable you can't wait to take them off. With the Gravity Defyer Shoe, you will have all the sophistication of the uncomfortable dress shoes, but you won't want to take them off! You will feel like you can keep up with the best of the World Famous Secret Agents when you are wearing the Gravity Defyer Shoe.

These ethereal shoes will transport you through life with such vigor that your friends and family will hardly be able to recognize you. The Gravity Defyer Shoes will power your step, making your steps longer and your jumps higher. You might find that you are walking faster and may even find yourself showing up to those important meetings at work early! You might even find yourself joining a local basketball league.

Yeah, I'm sure I'll join a local basketball league. In these shoes.


I have insider information that LeBron's next shoes are gonna look just like this.

In other news classes start again tomorrow, but I don't think this semester should be too hard. My biggest concern right now is the LSAT, and filling out law school apps. I just hope I get in somewhere better than NC Central.

Ok that is all for now have a good day internet!